| Volume 4, Issue 3, March 2025 |
Welcome to Volume 4, Issue 3 of The Root.
In order to support our growth, we require a strong network of roots. They anchor us and serve as a conduit for nutrients to help us develop and deliver on our goals.
This issue will focus on the value of Leading with Compassion. It’s not only a nice to have (or nice to be around), it has real business value.
Thank you for following along my journey to Aspire to Grow.
Check us out at www.aspiretogrow.co
Off the Shelf – My Book Pick
Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growing by Richard Boyatzis, Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Oosten
I follow Richard Boyatzis, Case Western Reserve University researcher on LinkedIn. In fact, today, I decided to ask to connect with him. He’s one of my favorite Org Psych researchers.
I’m kind of a nerd.
He earned his PhD in Social Psychology from Harvard University, and continues to research on helping others learn and change. He was one of my favorite researchers in my Master’s program for organizational change and adult learning.
In his book Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth, with Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Oosten, he discusses how to bring out the best in others by coaching with compassion.
Helping Others
Leading with Compassion comes naturally to some leaders. It beats the alternative to Leading for Compliance. While the term “coaching” is used in this context, it applies to leading others as leader, coach or mentor.
Coaching with Compassion
Coaching with compassion begins with the idea of helping people through growth, learning or change in three specific ways:
- Help them articulate their future vision (including dreams, personal vision, values and purpose)
- Facilitate a change in behavior, thoughts or feelings
- Build a relationship for support
Our jobs as leaders/coaches/mentors is to help them succeed in moving toward their vision of their “ideal self” vs. the self they feel they “should be” (also known as “ought self”). Whether it’s an individual goal or team goal.
How we help them move toward that future is the key. By doing so, any change is moving toward a personal vision and is much more sustainable. It’s internally motivated.
Coaching for Compliance
This is a desired change that is imposed by someone/something externally, such as corporate goals or a vision someone else desires for them. These changes (perhaps losing a few pounds as suggested by a doctor), may be short lived, as the final vision of weighing less is not their own “ideal self”.
While we as leaders need to coach our employees to meet business goals, it can be much more invigorating to be connected to a future vision of self and values that connect the individual to the overall development and goal achievement.
The Science
The science behind feeling more driven by purpose and compassion is the based on emotional attractors.
- PEA (positive emotional attractors)
- NEA (negative emotional attractors)
While we need both to achieve goals, the need for more PEAs vs. NEAs is critical for motivation and engagement.
As recommended in the book we need up to 4x PEA > NEA.
When working toward a desired future state (rather than compliance), PEA activates the parasympathetic nervous system – which results in a relaxed and creative space. It’s energizing.
When working toward an obligatory state (or compliance), the NEA creates a stress response (similar to Flight, Fright, Freeze or Fawn). In this way, the body prepares for defense, and the blood moves away from the brain and focuses on survival. It’s not motivating.
The Importance of Relationships
With change and every day work, leading with compassion allows us to connect and engage with others in a very meaningful way. Creating the space for positive reflection through learning, opens up the individual to move toward innovation, experimentation, learning and personal vision.
As leaders, we can identify other mentors or support in the team or network to help our employees or coachee see as an example of future or ideal self.
These roles can offer help toward moving toward the desired change. In some cases, companies refer to these folks as peer buddies or accountability partners.
Awakening the PEA
To help awaken the creativity and innovation in your employee/coachee/mentee, ask thought provoking questions.
- What it’s important to them?
- What are their values and ideal future vision for themselves?
- What might you need to know for them to be successful?
In the book, a teacher asks her students to each complete the following sentence:“I wish my teacher knew…….”.
This not only allowed her to know something important to the child, it gave her great insight into how she could individualize her efforts to each.
- What if you asked your employees what you should know about them.
- What if you asked your boss?
- Your family members?
The main point here is this: we cannot always avoid invoking the NEA. If we build a psychologically safe space to experience more PEA, we create an environment for creativity, safety, learning and growth.🌿
Image source: http://www.marcelschwantes.com
Read On – My Article Pick
Hold Your Team Accountable with Compassion, Not Fear, by Liane Davey, 13 February 2023
How many times as a leader have you heard someone say, “how can you hold them accountable”?
It’s a phrase that usually instills negativity to me.
It feels so punitive, as if we expect them to fail.
In the article, “Hold Your Team Accountable with Compassion, Not Fear”, Liane Davey addresses this very fact.
You Can’t Make Someone Else Accountable
Davey reminds us that accountability is a feeling. We can use punitive measures to force your teams to comply, but that doesn’t feel good, and most likely induces a whole lot of NEA!
Invoking compassion with our employees offers a clear understanding that perfection is not required. It allows growth, learning, connection and creativity. The clear idea here is that a clear vision and expectations are required.
Clarity and Vision
Davey reminds us that transparency and attention to the vision helps everyone stay on the same path. By maintaining visibility to progress (of the very clear expectations), individuals and teams are reminded of commitments in real time.
Using one-on-one meetings to get at the individual concerns or issues getting in the way, and asking “what is it that you might need me to know” can build trust, safety and clarity for barriers to achievement (without fear).
Group meetings are for discussions on risks, progress and engagement of further trust building.
Psychological Safety
With psychological safety in mind, clear expectations, relationships and positive intent in mind, the move toward vision success is steeped in PEA. PEA in turns creates trust, creation and energy. There may be detractors or delays that involve quick response – and perhaps a bit of NEA and stress. The overall goal is to have more connection, clarity, transparency and PEA to overcome these moments.
While perfection isn’t required, here’s to knowing fear is not essential for individual nor team success. Lead on!
Image source: https://www.inwardboundnetwork.com
Previous Newsletters
If you are interested in any of the issues of past Root newsletters, please find them below.
Thank you for reading. Here’s hoping your spring is safe, fruitful and hopeful.
Sincerely, Kathleen
