Volume 2, Issue 7, July 2023
Welcome to Volume 2, Issue 7 of The Root.
In order to support our growth, we require a strong network of roots. They anchor us and serve as a conduit for nutrients to help us develop and deliver on our goals.
This month, I’m talking about Anxiety, the kind that keeps us worried, concerned or aiming for perfectionism. The one that tells us if we are less focused, we won’t be able to achieve our goals
(I will not be speaking about the clinical diagnosis – which is also very important).
If you do feel you could have depression or clinical anxiety, please speak with your physician or mental health professional. I do, and I’m so glad – it helps.
Each month, I aim to highlight books, articles and/or podcasts related to the chosen topic. I hope you will find helpful information to identify and manage burnout before it overtakes your daily life.
Thank you for following along our journey to Aspire to Grow.
Check us out at www.aspiretogrow.co <the .com domain was taken, but I like to think of it as “.co” for co-create>.
Off the Shelf – My Book Pick
The Anxious Achiever: Turn your Biggest Fears into your Leadership Superpower by Morra Aarons-Mele
In The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears into Your Leadership Superpower, Morra Aarons-Mele discusses how we can identify our own anxieties as they relate to achieving mindset, including our leadership, work and personal goals, and learn to manage these in a way that is productive.
My first a-ha moment in this book was merely the connection of the two words anxious and achiever. Anxiety, as defined by the American Psychological Association is a “future oriented, long-acting response broadly focused on a diffused threat”. And shocker – sometimes it’s based on reality and other times it’s absolutely irrational.
The Impact on our Work
Since 2021, there has been an uptick in mental health conditions to 76% of full time US workers (including anxiety, burnout and depression). If we don’t manage these well, our energy, concentration and work products are impacted, creating an endless feedback loop of negative thoughts and actions.
Many achievers are fueled by the trait anxiety (it’s hard wired into us) that many of us fear exposing, or yet, may not even completely recognize.
You may feel you are the only one with “these worries or fears”, or you may even feel your anxiety is a strength and a curse – I know I do!
My hope here is that you may find useful tips that resonate with you to conserve your energy and harness the positive side of anxiety (to become the conscientious, focused and empathetic leader) and let go of those that do not serve us well.
Reframing Anxiety
Aarons-Mele tells us to reframe the anxiety to being an asset for our leadership, we need to change three mindsets:
- Give up pretending leaders need to know everything
- Learn to tolerate discomfort
- Use your new self-awareness to help others through uncertainty
Anxiety has taught us to be forward planners – (we ask ourselves, think of everything that could possibly go wrong?). As a result, we think of future ways to meet challenges, and we typically see a bigger picture vision.
Anxiety also helps us be more empathetic leaders <Leadership asset!!>. By typically being aware of what others think (good or bad), anxious leaders can harness this power to be concerned for employees as well as other leaders and customers.
We also know that anxiety loves a good goal. It’s a way to take action on that discomfort of a potential looming deadline – we are able to utilize the anxiety to fuel planning, action and completion.
But Here’s the Thing…Reframing anxiety is not enough.
We need to know when we are feeling the anxiety to utilize its power appropriately (so we do not turn down the long road of flight, fight, freeze or fawn when a external threat is detected).
Stress vs. Anxiety
While stress and anxiety have some similar characteristics, Anxious Achiever reminds us that stress is something that occurs outside of us, and anxiety has internal origins (closely related to fear). “Anxiety is our reaction to Stress“.
Since anxiety is internal, we can learn to recognize and manage it. It was designed to keep us safe. To learn to cope with our anxiety, we must learn to determine and name our triggers or stressors.
- How does anxiety show up for you at work?
- At home?
- In which situations do you often feel anxious?
- How might you automatically respond in these situations?
- Can you assess this without judging yourself?
- When you are triggered, what is your response?
- Is that responsive effective?
- If not, what could you do instead?
Being more mindful of our triggers is a great way to get ahead of the anxiety for a more purposeful response.
Awareness
This book has so many useful tips and exercises I will definitely use with my clients, my kids and of course me.
During the next week, identify your triggers and your self-talk.
- How is your self-talk showing up?
- How is your anxiety showing up?
- Perfectionism?
- Overwork?
- Excessive concern for family or others?
Recognize these and ask yourself – what if my response to this trigger is not perfect, what will happen?If I am overworking, what am I trying to avoid? And, if I have excessive concern or worry, what do I think it will help me avoid?
I hope you enjoy this book as much as I have and do.
Stream On: My Podcast Pick
The Anxious Achiever Podcast with Morra Aarons-Mele: Anxiety is a Habit with guests Dr. Judson Brewer and Charles Duhigg
I don’t typically choose the same podcast author as book author, but I thought it was useful for this tougher topic. In this episode of The Anxious Achiever, Anxiety is a Habit, Morra interviews both Dr. Judson Brewer and journalist Charles Duhigg.
The idea with The Anxious Achiever podcast is to address topics at the intersection of work and mental health.
Habit Loops
Dr. Brewer discusses how our habits are built upon anxiety. When we are anxious, our brain says “do something”. We may distract ourselves with eating, scrolling through social media, drink, binge shows or media.
The habit is formed in this 3 step process:
- Trigger (or cue)
- Behavior (eat, drink, scroll (physical) or worry (mental))
- Reward (creates the feeling that we want to keep doing again and again)
He speaks about how worry is actually the brain feeling it is doing “something” – so the reward is the distraction from the trigger. So, we create a repeat of this habit loop.
I can tell that if I get anxious about a new tougher project (trigger), I turn to social media (behavior) to check my latest post response, and WOW, that avoidance of the anxiety (reward) is successful. (at least success to avoid the anxiety, but I’m not much closer to attacking the tough project).
At moment 27:12, Dr. Brewer talks about mapping out our habit loops to get a sense of which ones are good (making coffee in the morning) or bad (worrying if we receive a message from our boss). The idea here again is to start to recognize the triggers that set off anxiety, in order to break the cycle of ineffective behavior and reward (see Awareness section in the book review above).
Charles Duhigg discusses the Power of Habit beginning at 28:49. He reminds us that habits were initially created for our brains to be efficient in decision making.
Continue to do great things 🌿
That was a super helpful topic for me to explore – I hope you found some useful nuggets. It was fun to revisit these for me.
You’ve made it to the end of July – before long, we will pivot toward fall activities. Enjoy every last minute.
Be present. Stay hydrated, write down your weekly wins (no matter how small), get fresh air, and continue to do great things. Be kind to yourself.
Sincerely, Kathleen
Please reach out for a free virtual coffee! I’d love to chat about coaching, leadership, Midcareer professional and personal growth Community