Volume 2, Issue 8, August 2023

Welcome to Volume 2, Issue 8 of The Root.

In order to support our growth, we require a strong network of roots.  They anchor us and serve as a conduit for nutrients to help us develop and deliver on our goals.

This month, I’m talking about the power of Connection and Community.

Over the last 6 months, I saw my clients and friends seeking connection in a new way.

As a result, I’ve researched and worked on building a much needed community of professionals for those individuals seeking growth, support, belonging and connection.

I thought, this is crazy, why would I do this?  A friend asked, if not you, who? <BAM>

There it was. A challenge.  A way to utilize my time in a slower month of August.

A friend suggested I read “Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World” by former Surgeon General, Vivek H. Murthy, MD.

It’s a look into the loss of social connection that many of us are longing for.  It’s important for our business teams and our personal circle, for emotional and cognitive well-being.  I hope you find the summary insightful.

Each month, I aim to highlight books, articles and/or podcasts related to the chosen topic.  I hope you will find helpful information to identify and manage burnout before it overtakes your daily life.

Thank you for following along our journey to Aspire to Grow.

Check us out at www.aspiretogrow.co <the .com domain was taken, but I like to think of it as “.co” for co-create>.

Off the Shelf – My Book Pick

Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometime Lonely World by Vivek H. Murthy, M.D.

In Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World by Vivek H. Murthy, MD, the former Surgeon General describes the social power of community and it’s importance in our lives.

Murthy shares stories of his Townhall meeting findings when he first began as Surgeon General – above all of those things ailing America, most were connected to a deep sense loneliness.  

He discusses the Four Key Strategies for building connectedness:

• Focus on being present with those you care about
• Focus on each other (undistracted)
• Embrace solitude
• Help and Be Helped

The Impact of Connectedness

So many of us our lost in the busyness of everyday life, where our to-do lists and activities keep us in transactional state of relationships.  We meet new friends through our yoga classes or kids’ sports teams.  These acquaintances may change with each passing season. 

But overall, we lack a feeling of belonging. 

So many of us long for a feeling of connection through similar shared purpose or values and interests.  Murthy suggests that we are not fully recognizing the larger need that social connection has on our lives. 

Research shows, loneliness has a great impact on our health. Many of us don’t talk about feeling disconnected or alone. It feels wrong. It may feel like we are alone in this feeling. 

Murthy explains the importance of feeling connected to others is, especially during tough times.  That innately from an evolutionary design, humans are built to find emotional connections.  As a result of such connections, our bodies release hormones and neurotransmitters that increase our happiness and sense of creativity. 

Loneliness

While we may be surrounded by friends, family and co-workers, the sense of loneliness known as “Collective” loneliness involves being connected to those with a share purpose and vision. 

This may exist within your working teams, if you are lucky, but most people long for this connection. The “Collective” loneliness can be avoided, if we are able to have social connection with those who share those similar interests, experiences or common identity.  Murthy suggests some of these types of communities evolve friendships over time (such as coworkers), but they are important to help us feel “rooted in place”. 

Connection at Work

Relationships at work are so very important, as many of us spend most of our waking hours in these environments.  While the uptick of remote and hybrid teams has changed how we interact, the 4 Key Strategies (above) for forming connection are still highly probable. 

As leaders, how are you building connection within your teams?

• Does your team share a common purpose?
• Do they share common interests (outside of work)?
• Do they have time to talk and connect socially?
• Do you offer a psychologically safe environment to ask for and offer help?

In a 2017 Gallup poll, having personal relationships were among the highest reasons for employee engagement (in addition to personal development and a sense of purpose).  In fact, social connection increases creativity and work friendships can increase trust and innovation. As stated by Murthy, “Having a friend at work makes us feel safer, more resilient and calmer”. 

But what about solopreneurs and consultants? 

Where do they seek this connection?  I have absolutely felt this loss of connection over the past year as I pivoted in my career.

Relational Energy

Relational energy is the emotional energy created (or decreased) in social situations.  The benefits of connecting socially within or outside of work are three-fold:

• Emotional
• Cognitive
• Productivity

When teams and individuals form a social connection, a positive emotional response is observed. 

In addition, our memory improves as well as our cognitive performance.  And, when we are stimulated and engaged – our productivity increases. 

But these same positive benefits can become negative in a toxic environment.

Emotional costs are high, our cognitive ability is diminished, and our productivity suffers. 

There are so many great stories and other important sections on other important connections in our lives. 

Please consider picking up a copy. 

Last question:

To build a connected community, are you able to do the following things:

• Show up as our true selves
• Make time for others
• Show up with kindness and a genuine desire to be helpful

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Stream On: My Podcast Pick

Unlocking Us with Brené Brown:  Dr. Vivek Murthy and Brené Loneliness and Connection

This episode of Unlocking Us with Brené Brown Dr. Murthy, was very powerful for me. I thought it was useful for this tougher topic to share the in-depth conversation with Dr. Murthy and Dr. Brown.  With it, this tough topic comes to life. It’s a very beautiful episode.  I hope you enjoy it.

Loneliness is such an odd way to describe our lack of connection. We may be super busy, but feeling disconnected from others. 

 Three Dimensions of Loneliness

Dr. Murthy describes the three dimensions of loneliness that are required for us to feel connected.

• Emotional/Intimate (Close family relationships, Our deepest connections)
• Relational/Social (Our close friends, best friends)
• Collective (A need for a network of folks who share similar interests and purpose)

A lack of any of these can make us feel disconnected (or lonely).

We don’t like that word.  There is a stigma with this label – that we are broken.   

Foundational Need for Connection

Brown and Murthy speak to the foundational to the need for feeling connected is to know our own worth and value.

If we know our value and worth – we are able to approach relationships with genuine connection vs. a need for validation <mind blown>.  

And if we are striving to fit in, it costs a huge emotional tax for us. 

As we know and appreciate ourselves and what we can bring to others, we have a more willingness to listen and be ourselves. 

“It’s more about being present than trying to get something from a transactional relationship.”

And that’s where the beauty begins. 

So What’s Next For You

In the book “Together” (above), Dr. Murthy reminds us that one of the key strategies to connection is Solitude  Time with ourselves in self-reflection.

• How can you find time for solitude (not the same as loneliness)?
• How do you find time to reflect on your needs and your strengths?
• Will you journal each morning?
• Reflect on your wins at the end of the day?
• And, what dimension of connection needs your attention? 
• How might you give yourself permission to seek this out for you? 

You are not alone.  We are all seeking levels of connection as humans. 

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Continue to do great things .

Over the last year of coaching and conversations, I’ve noticed this longing for community and Collective connection, especially for those who wish to continue learning and growing for a meaningful life, making impact and creating great experiences. 

At the suggestion from a friend and a new entrepreneur colleague, I decided to try to build this community for those growth minded professionals seeking connection (mostly in our 40s and 50s and beyond). 

If you are interested in learning more, please see the Community Pillars.

Learn more about The Journey here. 

If you are interested -reach out.  If it’s not your thing, that’s okay, too – I hope you are able to find the Collective connection you may be seeking. 

Sincerely, Kathleen