Volume 2, Issue 9, September 2023

Welcome to Volume 2, Issue 9 of The Root.

In order to support our growth, we require a strong network of roots.  They anchor us and serve as a conduit for nutrients to help us develop and deliver on our goals.

This month, I’m talking about our Inner Critic Voice.  You know the one.  The one that keeps you playing smaller than you are.  It has you doubting yourself and your judgments.

Note, it’s October 1, and I’m sending the September newsletter – I do realize that was not my goal, but I did shut down the critical voice in my head that shamed me for being late.

We are going to discuss ways to combat that critical voice with techniques and self-talk that will help you during those moments of doubt.

Each month, I aim to highlight books, articles and/or podcasts related to the chosen topic.  I hope you will find helpful information to identify and manage burnout before it overtakes your daily life.

Thank you for following along our journey to Aspire to Grow.

Check us out at www.aspiretogrow.co <the .com domain was taken, but I like to think of it as “.co” for co-create>.

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Off the Shelf – My Book Pick

Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create and Lead by Tara Mohr

In Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create and Lead, Tara Mohr provides great guidance and techniques for identify our inner critic voice and ways to overcome this to be our true authentic selves.

This book is amazing with SO many great concepts – too many to summarize in one newsletter. This month, I will cover the concepts of the Inner Critic and the Inner Mentor to help us overcome the fear of playing to our best potential. 

Our Inner Critic

We know this voice.  It’s the one in our heads that tells us to play small or to not be so visible.  As Mohr states, the inner voice is a black or white thinker – “You are awesome or pathetic” – no in between. It’s also the voice that tells us we “aren’t ready” or “aren’t good enough” for the things we’d like to try to do. 

It may be no surprise, but the inner critic usually sounds like a person in your life with a lot of influence.  A critical parent?   Or a critical coach or previous harsh boss.   We all know those voices. 

My favorite was the “one-two punch” description of the inner critic. It’s the voice that says we aren’t good enough (the critical voice), and then the following voice that blames us for these thoughts (the shaming voice).  Literally, I thought this was only in my head! 

Turning Critical to Realistic

Mohr tells us when we recognize the voice (which by the way, can take some time to really call it out since we are so accustomed to hearing it), name it.   “Hey Critical Voice, I hear you”.   

The inner critic voice is meant to keep us safe, but not all new or complex situations are harmful.  That’s where we need to get curious (this also stops the critical voice in its tracks and allows are brain to think again).   

Why are we hearing this voice?  Am I trying something new?  Am I in a new environment?  A new situation? 

Now, let’s see if we can provide a more sympathetic voice that can determine small steps to feel more confident and comfortable in this scenario.  

Listening to Your Inner Wisdom

Mohr provides a self-visualization tool that can help us visualize our future self.  The future self is our wiser version of ourselves, who guide us to our most fulfilling path of peace and integrity.  Mohr suggests as we consider our future self, consider this person your Inner Mentor who can confront the Inner Critic voice. 

When we hear the critical voice (and name it), can we ask ourselves:

• What our Future Self/Inner Mentor would do? 
• What would our Inner Mentor due to overcome the hurdle we are faced with? 
• What would that future self do? 

And by having this cognitive shift, this allows us to play bigger, think bigger, and not stay small. 

When we are surrounded by gender bias about how women should be and act, our Inner Mentor’s vision can remind us of what we define as true for ourselves.  Mohr has many great journaling prompts within her book. 

Here are some of my favorite as you consider how your Inner Mentor shows up. 

• What does she like to do first thing in the morning?
• How does she like to spend her evenings?
• What kind of meals does she enjoy?
• And with whom?
• What kind of exercise or physical movement does she like to do, and what is the attitude she takes toward it?
• How does she rest and care for herself?
• How does she behave around family or in social gatherings?
• What kind of clothing does she wear?
• What would your future self say to you when you encounter a challenge?

Above all, the Inner Mentor reminds us of our North Star.  ⭐ 

Praise & Criticism

This topic is so influential to so many girls and women, that I will plan to cover in the October newsletter. 

The idea that through our academic system we were raised to overprepare to get good grades and praise, but that in our real worlds, this praise is not always abundant in our day-to-day jobs. 

We will also cover how to make our work more visible to overcome the natural reaction to play small and safe. 

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Stream On: My Podcast Pick

The Flight School Podcast with Jen Laffin: Here’s How I Doubt My Doubt

This episode of The Flight School Podcast with Jen Laffin: Here’s How I doubt my doubt, my wonderful friend and Procrastinator Coach, Jen Laffin talks about doubting your doubt. 

In this case, what would it look like to doubt your inner critic? 

The things I love about Jen’s podcasts are her soothing voice (I call her my Sunshine Coach), and that most episodes are under 15 minutes.

It’s not too uncommon that we all have doubt enter our lives.  It’s there to keep us safe (most of the time). Jen talks about the voice inside of our head, that we sometimes don’t even catch it.   

Her doubt thoughts include the following (and I love to share them, because I know I’ve felt these too):

• This won’t work
• No one will be interested
• You don’t know what you are doing
• This is a waste of time 
• Don’t you want to take a nap?  <mine is, don’t you want to quit?>

One of my favorite texts from Jen’s (when she catches me playing too small), is “Have you Doubted your Doubt yet?” 

It’s a great reframe. 

She suggests we write our doubt in our journal (maybe with one colored pen). Next, write a statement that doubts that doubt. 

For instance:

This idea won’t work.

But what if the idea does work?  Then what? 

No one will be interested.

What if the one person who needs this doesn’t have access to it?  

Thanks Jen for keeping us real and playing BIG.

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Continue to do great things 🌿.

Over the last year of coaching and leading others, I know that work visibility and doubt keep us from doing the things we are capable of.

This is the work that can be uncomfortable for us (and maybe for others), but nothing is easy and comfortable about challenging the status quo and making a difference in this world. 

Community and Connection

We have beta tested our new Community called The Journey in the month of September, and now, October 1 – we are launching our 1st Quarterly Cohort. 

If you are interested in learning more, please see the Community Pillars. Learn more about The Journey here. 

If you are interested -reach out.  If it’s not your thing, that’s okay, too.

One this is for sure; we will challenge and support each other to Play Big! 

Sincerely, Kathleen 🌿